Sunday, October 17, 2010

Ear Bite


Ear Bite, originally uploaded by A!ison.

Picture five adults running across a big grassy field in slow motion. Our faces are lifted towards the warm sun and we are smiling. Some of us even shake our heads as if to air out our minds (or to show off our golden locks). We are giddy with frolicness (is that a word?). When all of a sudden an invisible monster flies out of the grass. He sets his sights on the one with cute, sassy hair. She's meatier than the other girl so she must have meat flavored blood or donut flavored, which ever one, it doesn't matter, the monster loves them both. He attacks but the girl is too fast, she's running faster than any human the monster has ever seen! All of a sudden the foolish girl stops to admire the giant vertical space rockets in the distance. The monster placed those rockets there for this very reason, to distract his prey long enough to BITE! As the strikingly beautiful woman stands there with her hand above her brow to shield the sun from her eyes, the monster lands on her delicate ear. He's weightless and invisible so the super model doesn't even know he's there. He gently inserts his bloodsucker (get your minds outta the gutter) and yes, yes, the blood IS donut flavored!! The monster is so delighted he rips his bloddsucker out of the ear and starts dancing. Right at that moment the woman feels her flesh ripping and runs to her beloved, calling his name "SPECIAL K! SPECIAL K!" who now happens to be riding on a giant white horse. She yells to him "SOMETHING BIT ME, COME LOOK AT MY EAR!" Her Prince Charming gracefully jumps from his steed and runs to her, cradling her head to inspect the wound. After years of working as a doctor in the Congo he clearly can see that yes, she has been injured. He says "I believe this gash is caused by none other than 'The Invisible Monster'!"

The next day the poor girl was tortured with a swollen, hot ear. She thought benadryl would help but it just made her feel like a Methadone addict. As the day drew to a close, all she could think about was why WHY did we take that shortcut through the grass?

1 comment:

PJ said...

Stellar my dear. xo