I've needed Special K to just be with me so tonight I demanded it. We watched the old 80's flick Wall Street.
See, World of Warcraft is coming out with a HUGE expansion and to prepare they have begun making changes to the game. These changes have adversely affected the way Special K plays the game. So he's buried himself in the game leaving me all alone for the evening, which brings me to the second issue.
I think I'm depressed because of the lack of social interaction.
The reason I know I'm depressed is because it takes effort to do the things I love like blogging or working in the yard or crafting. Obviously I have been failing to get out my daily posts, the weather has been perfect for tinkering in the yard and yet I have not made one attempt to tinker and I have no desire to do anything creative. I also know I'm depressed because I have been doing horribly on Weight Watchers. I have not gained (which is excellent) but I haven't really lost either. .6 here .5 there. Lameness.
And the reason I know my depression stems from a lack of social interaction is because when we have visitors I am totally normal again.
The worst part of feeling this way is self-pity. If I thought I was dabbling in depression, self-pity will drag me to the depths. It's like an aggressive cancer... let me see if I can explain it... it's like I start out feeling off, not myself. I can't really put my finger on my mood but I know it's not right. I don't feel flat out sad and at this point I wouldn't even call it depressed... just off, like PMS. But after a few days, I start to see that I have no oomph. I want to sleep or just lay on the couch. But when the self-pity sets in, that's when the slump comes alive. I feel sad. I feel depressed. I forget about being thankful. If depression immobilizes, self-pity destructs. More lameness.
I knew this would happen too. The move kept me busy. Making a home kept me busy. But now that I'm running out of big projects, I need people. So I'm looking! I found a horticultural class being offered for 3 weeks which would be good for me since I have not one clue about Florida climate, soil, etc. Meals on Wheels is always looking for help. I love my Etsy shop but it doesn't offer what I need most, people, real live touchable people.
I know what I have to do. Actually writing about here makes a difference. If you've made it this far, thanks for reading.
This comes out of my devotion book and thought it was appropriate:
"Self-pity is a slimy, bottomless pit. Once you fall in, you tend to go deeper and deeper into the mire. As you slide down those slippery walls, you are well on your way to depression and the darkness is profound. Your only hope is to look up and see the Light of My Presence shining down on you. Though the Light looks dim from your prospective, deep in the pit, those rays of hope can reach you at any depth. While you focus on Me in trust, you rise ever so slowly out of the abyss of despair. Finally, you can reach up and grasp My hand. I will pull you out into the Light again. I will gently cleanse you, washing off the clinging mire. I will cover you with My righteousness and walk with you down the path of Life." ~Jesus Calling by Sarah Young
I waited patiently for the LORD to help me, and he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the pit of despair, out of the mud and the mire. He set my feet on solid ground and steadied me as I walked along. He has given me a new song to sing, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see what he has done and be amazed. They will put their trust in the LORD. Oh, the joys of those who trust the LORD, who have no confidence in the proud or in those who worship idols. O LORD my God, you have performed many wonders for us. Your plans for us are too numerous to list. You have no equal. If I tried to recite all your wonderful deeds, I would never come to the end of them.