Thursday, October 14, 2010

Movie Nite

Movie Nite, originally uploaded by A!ison.

I've needed Special K to just be with me so tonight I demanded it. We watched the old 80's flick Wall Street.

See, World of Warcraft is coming out with a HUGE expansion and to prepare they have begun making changes to the game. These changes have adversely affected the way Special K plays the game. So he's buried himself in the game leaving me all alone for the evening, which brings me to the second issue.

I think I'm depressed because of the lack of social interaction.

The reason I know I'm depressed is because it takes effort to do the things I love like blogging or working in the yard or crafting. Obviously I have been failing to get out my daily posts, the weather has been perfect for tinkering in the yard and yet I have not made one attempt to tinker and I have no desire to do anything creative. I also know I'm depressed because I have been doing horribly on Weight Watchers. I have not gained (which is excellent) but I haven't really lost either. .6 here .5 there. Lameness.

And the reason I know my depression stems from a lack of social interaction is because when we have visitors I am totally normal again.

The worst part of feeling this way is self-pity. If I thought I was dabbling in depression, self-pity will drag me to the depths. It's like an aggressive cancer... let me see if I can explain it... it's like I start out feeling off, not myself. I can't really put my finger on my mood but I know it's not right. I don't feel flat out sad and at this point I wouldn't even call it depressed... just off, like PMS. But after a few days, I start to see that I have no oomph. I want to sleep or just lay on the couch. But when the self-pity sets in, that's when the slump comes alive. I feel sad. I feel depressed. I forget about being thankful. If depression immobilizes, self-pity destructs. More lameness.

I knew this would happen too. The move kept me busy. Making a home kept me busy. But now that I'm running out of big projects, I need people. So I'm looking! I found a horticultural class being offered for 3 weeks which would be good for me since I have not one clue about Florida climate, soil, etc. Meals on Wheels is always looking for help. I love my Etsy shop but it doesn't offer what I need most, people, real live touchable people.

I know what I have to do. Actually writing about here makes a difference. If you've made it this far, thanks for reading.


This comes out of my devotion book and thought it was appropriate:

"Self-pity is a slimy, bottomless pit. Once you fall in, you tend to go deeper and deeper into the mire. As you slide down those slippery walls, you are well on your way to depression and the darkness is profound. Your only hope is to look up and see the Light of My Presence shining down on you. Though the Light looks dim from your prospective, deep in the pit, those rays of hope can reach you at any depth. While you focus on Me in trust, you rise ever so slowly out of the abyss of despair. Finally, you can reach up and grasp My hand. I will pull you out into the Light again. I will gently cleanse you, washing off the clinging mire. I will cover you with My righteousness and walk with you down the path of Life." ~Jesus Calling by Sarah Young

I waited patiently for the LORD to help me, and he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the pit of despair, out of the mud and the mire. He set my feet on solid ground and steadied me as I walked along. He has given me a new song to sing, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see what he has done and be amazed. They will put their trust in the LORD. Oh, the joys of those who trust the LORD, who have no confidence in the proud or in those who worship idols. O LORD my God, you have performed many wonders for us. Your plans for us are too numerous to list. You have no equal. If I tried to recite all your wonderful deeds, I would never come to the end of them.
PSALM 40:1-5


Anonymous said...

I am so sorry you feel the way you do but trust in the Lord and you will find your way. If I were there I would wrap my arms around you and telling how much you are loved by me and your heavenly Father. Mom xoxoxo

Brandi said...

Its hard to get adjusted especially when you move far away from all you have ever known. Honestly..I think a visit home is in order. It will rejuvinate you and remind you that home is never too far away :) XO

Anonymous said...

Get ready for a big kick in the butt in November!!!! Actually, all things considered, I think you are doing terrific and maybe are too harsh on yourself. You have made friends in areas where there were only hurts before; you have made a wonderful home (not house) for you and your best bud, you have set up a new creative outlet with big plans for profit and creativity; you have opened your home for many guests (which that alone takes lots of extra effort); you have forged out new places to shop, get bargains, explore.....bottome line, is you have adapted, are adapting and looking to adapt in the future.

I love you my friend, my "daughter"; YSM

Alison said...

Thank you for the encouragement. Sometimes you just gotta get all the stuff you are feeling off your chest and I am so thankful I have a place to do just that.

Rev Roo said...

You are right on YSM --
Pick Me, pick me Alison ... you amaze me! I want to be just like you ...if I moved accross the States, I'd still me unpacking and getting my barrings. So enjoy the "now" and allow yourself to sit back and see all that you have accomplished in a small amount of time! So, keep writing and sharing with us where you are at! We love it and miss you tons!
-Rev Roo

mo.honey said...

Boy are you loved. I feel like some of the sentiments I wanted to share were already posted, and so eloquently at that! You bring sunshine to Orlando for us so when you're unhappy, Orlando doesn't seem as nice. Thank you for sharing. With a move as significant as CA to FL, I've been waiting to see when my own depression will set in. So far my anxiety about studying for my private pilot has distracted me but I know at some point there will be a calm, quiet moment of reflection and I will not find joy in the every day. This post helps me for when that day will inevitably come. I wish you luck on your emotional journey. lots of love.

RollerScrapper said...

Hey there, I just wanted to check in to say that it does get better! I was in tears for many an evening when I first moved to San Diego, in fact I broke out in tears when I was at a Surf Shop just discussing how I had left everyone I ever knew! It takes time! Don't be hard on yourself! But I wanted to give a suggestion. Get a fun know something you want to do, not a job b/c you want $, but something so you get out and meet people. That's what I did, I worked weekends at the beach, and that's when things started to turn around for me. I didn't *have* to work for 7.50 an hour, I did it so I could meet new people and get to surf, and that's when I really started to love San Diego and things started to fall into place :)

It will happen for you too!

My suggestion is the Yankee Candle Shop :) You'll meet some new friends *and* get a discount I'm sure!